Sunday, July 19, 2009

Train Your Kids, Please!

I'm not sure if it's because Michael Jackson has dominated the news over the past couple weeks, but I've noticed a trend with my last couple of posts being about some pretty whacked out people. Here's the next in line...

It was around 90 degrees on Friday afternoon. What else are you supposed to do when you are in a home equipped with A.C.? Why, leave it turned off and go out to dinner, of course. This isn't a multiple choice exam so please keep up. We began deliberating on restaurant choices (i.e. scouring through our stack of coupons) and decided on Sweet Tomatoes. This is far and away Ally's favorite place to eat and it's a place loaded with salads and things that are kept cool. Logical choice on a hot day. Did I mentin they got all you can eat frozen yogurt? Yep, Ally's favorite place to eat. Everything was fine as we were sitting there enjoying dinner and conversation when the distraction came.

I stopped chewing the moment I looked up and saw a kid standing behind Becky. This kid must have been about 11 years old or so and was standing there licking himself. I noticed he had chocolate all over his face, his arms, hands and shirt. I wasn't sure if I should feel bad for him for whatever may have caused that mess or for the family that was sitting at the booth where he was standing. I thought of 2 ways to describe what he was doing: 1) Have you ever seen a cat licking the back of its paws and then proceed up the length of its arms? 2) It kind of looked like a sci-fi movie where a a deformed alien pops out of someone's stomach and is trying to pry its way out. OK, so maybe that sounded a bit gruesome but so was this kid. He was standing right next to this poor family licking himself clean and it was disgusting just standing there watching him. A few minutes later, he came back with his mom behind him. I can overhear her say to him, "Now do you see why I kept telling you to tie your shoes?"

OK, now that really set me off. I started piecing 2 and 2 together and thought of something that made this kid even more disgusting than he had already presented himself to be. He was carrying a bowl of ice cream when he tripped over his shoelaces. As he fell, I envision him putting his hands out and falling face first but using his hands to cusion his fall. Instinct would tell you to do that. Another thing your instinctswould tell you to do is to go to the nearest bathroom and clean yourself up. Nope! Dude came back still smothered in chocolate and licking off the same hands that had just landed flat on the floor. Like I said... DISGUSTING. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse...

Well, they might have but I couldn't look anymore. Once the kid returned with a bowl with his mom, he sat and began to eat it. I looked over once and saw him sitting with his elbow on the table. His arm was in an "L" shape with the portion from hand to elbow being vertical. This was the hand he was holding the bowl with. He was holding this bowl at an angle with ice cream about ready fall out. Every time he stuck his spoon in, he do so from the other side of the bowl which caused the ice cream to get ever closer to falling out. I chose to look away at this point because I didn't want to see him licking the table clean. That's why they hired busboys, dummy. I had to look away because I fully expected him to do just that.

I'm not sure that's what mom means when she tells everyone that she has a sweet little boy. What do you think?

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